fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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