I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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