I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
