can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
