you didnt know i had herpes?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She has the best kind of daddy issues
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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