i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
