your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
nutella sex= disaster
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
