How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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