Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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