Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
