you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
