Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
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I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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