Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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