i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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