he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
