If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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