I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
