Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How does one acquire holy water?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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