Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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