Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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