Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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