I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
