Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
