i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
