dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
