A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
is it fun? or sober?
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