yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
