i always forget guys have bellybuttons
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
