Soap is not a condiment
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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