Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
