If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We are all done wearing pants today
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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