When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
