You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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