yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
