Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
