I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
