Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
When are your genitals available?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
how does that bad decision feel?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
