So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
