If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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