he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
