i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My vagina just clenched in fear
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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