She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
