That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
