ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
