you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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