Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
This is my gift to your gina
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize