yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
