Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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