my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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