I'm so fucking centered right now
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
