Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
