I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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