Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
