So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
