went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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