Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
