cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
