Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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