just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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