he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just want nice things and good sex
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
