i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
