And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
