we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
