He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
