I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
